I start my new unit at work tuesday and I"m a little freaked out. I have to sell $1000 in 15 days, Whoo! but we doing this thing where we sell lipsticks to donate to the safe house for women who need a freash start. I thought this was a great idea which is why I said I'd do it.
the goal for the lipsticks is 300 and there's about 5 or 7 of us working on it so shouldn't be too bad.

that Whore!!!!
all I had to do was take this class over the summer and as you all heard it was aweful, that terrible woman called my teacher, said that she would allow that class to replace the one that i was missing so that I could graduate this summer. well she didn't fill out the paper work before leaving for 2 weeks so now I have to wait until December no matter what!
bitch!

some one find me a voodoo  priest I want to hex her death. Please

I had a really great day today, My Classmates Stood Up for Me, not only that they kind of ganged up on her for me ^_^ giggles

my thoughts on mairage: I don't really want to get married, but I want to let everyone know that i'm spoken for.
I don't want jewlrey I don't want a party i really don't want titles, I hate calling Rik my boyfriend much less a *shuder* husband. and I don't want to be no body's wife, but I don't want anyone thinking that i'm still looking either, don't know but might be why i like to write stories about marriages that have nothing to do with love...

posting is strange for me. usally i post things so that my friends who I never see can be like oh what's going on with die Blume? and there it is. but then there are days (like yesterday) that I want to update but can't bring myself to sit down at the computer. part of me is afraid of something. can't quite put a name to it. but here's what I got so far;
either the funshea is off in the computer room or i'm afraid that if I post some events then they become truly real.

i know that sounds very chick flick but it's all I got.

so here is the big news that i couldn't post yesterday: one of my classmates came up to me after class and asked "how are you doing so far" in a beautiful Russian accent I might add. I told her not well, (yes I say well) and that my average is 68%
she was so nice and said to me, "you're almost there, keep trying" and then "I don't think she likes you very much"
.... really? .... you see it too? I couldn't believe my ears. "Yeah, I was noticing that, I don't think that's fair"

^_^ I'm not crazy

and it only took 4 semesters that's 6 classes with these people but I'm finally making friends in my german classes. and these are really nice interesting people not just the brown nosers that i've been hanging out with.  I cracked a joke in class yesterday and everyone laughed instead of told me to be quiet. I smiled and laughed so hard at something said on the other side of the room.
I'm enjoying myself in class,
so you know she's going to have to do something to make me cry today.

PS
I love the weather this week. I think colorado is trying to appease me after causing a bunch of shit in my life.

first of all thanks for the calming words yesterday, what I needed, besides to do something about this horror of a teacher, was to be reassured that I wasn't alone.
when I was 18 I had a person in my life very much like this teacher,(if you were there you know who I'm referring to) and that's what pisses me off so much about this. if this were a boyfriend treating me like this, you'd all tell me to leave him and take a self-defense class, but just like back then, everyone around me(in the class) is saying that she's right and I deserve this and ... Der Geist ist willlung, aber die Studendin ist nicht intellegent. (the spirit is willing but the student[female] isn't smart)
I didn't have a bad day in class so i guess it was a good day.

okay I'm willing to file my reading issue with the school but i don't know how much good it'll do.

does anyone know what steps i need to take, cause as usual i'm clueless.

My only class yesterday was cancled, I knew about it ahead of time so it's not like I got all the way there for no reason.
So I had a reacharge day. YAY! I was going to get all my edits and letters done, but everytime I tried to read the papers all I could hear was the girl from class snapping at me.  That brings the count up to 5 in one class. I'm starting to wonder if it might be me.
that aside. I read some book made some calls, wondered around in my pjs and redid my hair.
and as long as I get them done before sunday night, then I only have to worry about German homework all week.
so I'll need an ass kicking to make sure I do get these things done and printed this weekend.
Yay
I feel so much better
and now it's time to go to work and i want tea

I lost it today. absoultly lost it. I've been having a great week, no german drama, all my homework is getting done, well done I might add, all my papers are coming back with As on them, and then this happens.
I'm sitting with my friends craking bad jokes etc.. and I say something teasing about one of them and my girl friend snapped at me. she told me i'd gone over the line, and that I was the most negitive person and that I was dragging her down.
Oh fuck that. when she and I had cooled off to have the "we should talk moment"  she just started yelling at me more of the same as before, and I snapped. I get this from bitches in class, strangers on the street, and the bus driver. NOT FROM MY FRIENDS. I told her that this is obviously about her and I refure to be the scapgoat for her to take her crap out on.

Hell is not fire burning and devils dancing. Hell is not red man with horns and tail sitting on a throne planing silly bad things to do to silly people.
THIS IS HELL
I have a reasonable amount of work with unreasonable conditions.
Psyco German teacher(GOD I Hope she's dead) that I have no hope of passing but I still am trying to pass her class.
BiPolar teacher that is the most passive agressive person I've EVER had to deal with and if you haven't delt with her you are NEVER ALLOWED TO USE THE PHASE "PASSIVE AGRESSIVE" AGAIN!!!!
Pluse my other class which is the same as above. get manuscrips; read, reveiw, write letter to responed. ontop of which write your own manuscrip to be read, reveiwed and listen to responce.
so 3 manuscrips over course of semester, at rediculous standards, 100page a week to read review and freak out over the dipolmatic manner of responce
doesn't sound like a lot does it.
No matter how hard a try I fail no matter how much I get done there twice as much put in my in box.
This is Hell, this is damnation.
but it's not the work load that is too much it's the people. Bitches in my class, psycos as my teachers, getting blamed for asking for help
I don't remember high school being this bad

It goes on. monday my "friend" sent this email to me after my big blow up I just saw it yesterday. he repeated everything my teacher said, then said I'm lazy, unfocused, and blame others for my failures. said that he didn't want to study with me anymore since he has a goal to get out of school and can't hang out like me.
Oh FUCK YOU ALL.
so glad to know that's what my friends think of me.

i lost all my work school and other wise yesterday because my usb port got fired so my work load just tripled cause I have to keep up with things and recompose everything I've been working on over spring break
my german professor asked me what I was thinking trying to take her subject as a minor and my mother conforted me by telling me what a bitch and disappointment I am to my father.
the school won't let me graduate unless the bitch professor cuts me some slack and I've decided she's a bitch for being overly nit picky with stupid things on my tests = fail! "I get what you tought us I show that on the test"  "you can't spell the words right so you lost lots of point there"  "I thought the directions wanted this, that's why I did it that way" "You can't even read direction? What were you thinking choosing this as your minor?"
I"m too pissed to go on more latter

School is evil!
first they tell me everything is fine and i'll be graduated in may. then I get a thing in the mail saying no, you didn't take this class no graduating for you. I say OH YES I did take that class. I have talked to everyone I can think of and bottom line
If I can get the head of the department to wave the class I can graduate in may otherwise I'll have to wait till December BITCH!!!
really this feels so much like a set up. like i've been lead to believe I can relax that I don't need anything more until it's too late to get it taken care of in an orderly manner.  like they just want to keep me here and squeeze my last dime out of me.  like a mall parking lot that is meant to allow you to get in but trape you so you can't get out.
I"m so pissed I could .... I don't know but I am really understanding those school shootings right now.

I just back my test in German class. and I'm pissed!  I've been studying and trying and I still can't get more than a D
am I just stupid? I wont give up but needless to say I'm at a lose for what to do.

I wish I were perfect.
if I were perfect I would be delicate
able to be broken easily
and if you were my friend you'd never let anything harm me
because I would be so delicate
if I were perfect
I'd never leave you wondering what you thought of me
I'd never worry if you respected me
because I'd be perfect

I wish


needless to say I"m not having great self esteam right now
this weekend have been really fucked up

I had a glass just now and feel so refreashed, which is one of my favorite words ever because the sensation can be experianced in the saying of the word. try it. feel the soft "f" slide into the "sh" in your mouth. cool. My favorite word in English is "glad" be cause everytime I say it, I feel it, glad that is.  I smile ever so slightly and fight off a giggle.  "Glad" 
I hate this break from school and i'm extreamly disappointed in myself for not getting as much done as I had wanted.  Part of me can't wait to get back to school, and the rest of me is freaking out.  I feel all this preasure to get my life compleatly sorted in the next 4 months or I'm screwed and a loser and fail at everything.
We dicided that this is my last term at school even if I don't grad.  scarry huh? so I have to find an internship/job before May so I'm not stuck doing minum wage at 25. 
I can't even handle a month break, how am I going to deal with the rest of my life?
I need another orange juice...

I am going to admit my age
I'm young, infact much younger then most of the people I call friend. and it's never been a problem for my friends, but for some of their friends, I'm more than a little pissed.  how do I express to the rest of you the need to impress feeling I have most of the time I'm out in public. I'm ten years of more younger then my favorite people, so when we go out I feel the need to "show off" I feel like the little sister tagging along and I have to prove that I'm worth spending time with.
I know I've had this rant before, but I was at a party this weekend and this girl that I dont even know starts commenting on my drinking "don't fall off any more chairs"  and then tells everyone around us about something that happened in JUNE. that would be the time I'm pretty sure someone put something in my drink. she was all "no, you had like seven on an empty stomach..." ah sweetie, I spent 3 months living on Jaeger, and I've done vodka shots with not eating for 2days, I know how I am drunk and I"ve never had that happen. but that's not the point of the story.

ONE time in my life has that ever happened to me, and that's what I'm remembered for?  that's how people see me. so once again i'm the little sister no one wants around but has to tag along and people put up with me because they're being polite.

The Holiday Gift Meme!
Step One

Make a post (public/f-locked/filtered) with a list of your holiday wishes. Wishes can be anything at all from simple and fandom-related ("I'd love a Snape/Hermione icon that's just for me") to medium ("I wish for _____ on DVD") to really big ("All I want for Christmas is a new car/computer/house/TV.") The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.

If you wish for Real Life things (not fics/icons), make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) could get in touch with you.

Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your LJ, or link to this post (it'll be public) so that the holiday joy will spread.

Step Two

Surf around your friendslist (or friendsfriends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list. And now here's the important part:

If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use--or even know where you could get someone's dream purebred Basset Hound for free--do it.

You needn't spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf--to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not--it's your call.

There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just...wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special.

Step Three
The list!

1.Gothic lolita anything cause I'm going full out in the spring 

2.  Anything in German, need to get better and have fun doing it.

3. Anything in Japanese need to get better and have fun doing it 

4. Book selves, I needs them

5. Good music of any kind. I always need new music. accually old music cause I'm looking electric goth music

6. a gift card to Hobby Lobby, I know want I want there just need time and money

7. Fairy tale Books, I collect them 

8. Movies. Computer rips, trips to the real theaters, DVDs, anything. I just miss my movies!!!!